I’m making a big step forward in my life at the moment and with that step comes the decision to delete all of my archives from before August 2006. I’m fed up of lying to myself and to other people. It’s time to take some positive action.

Firstly, I’m going to stop pretending that I feel OK about how I look. I’ve put on over 2 stone since I’ve been working from home (a period of about 20-21 months now). This is completely my fault, but I kept assuming that if I ignored the problem it would go away. Well obviously…it won’t! I’m going to make a serious attempt to get back to my ideal weight of 13 stone. I think that means I have to lose about 30-35lbs! Ouch! Heh.

I’ve got a pretty good training schedule sorted out and I will be fixing my bike up sometime in the next fortnight, as a large part of the training will be cycling daily. I also need to grab some weights. I’d prefer not to join a gym at the moment as I’m not overly confident about the person that I am and I also can’t really afford to spend £35 per month for any of the local gyms to me. Going by my reckoning I should reach my goal weight sometime around next April. Maybe even before then! That would be perfect for me and it’s something I really want to achieve.

Being a guy in my early 20s, I need to wake the hell up and realise that these are the best years of my life. All this comfort eating bullshit and being lazy at home whilst I’m working isn’t going to help me. Once I move away from the peak of my body’s fitness, there is no going back. I’ve got to grasp this by the horns and fix it NOW! I’m 23 in 6 days time…I need to do this for myself.

Secondly, I want to fix something that I broke in January. I was an idiot and threw away the chance of something very special, because I became fixated and disillusioned by a person from my past. I’ve wasted the last 8 months of my life on them, and I should have realised at the time that it wasn’t what I truly wanted. I can’t believe that it has taken me so long to realise and admit this to myself. I also can’t believe just how much I hurt that person. I may write more about this in the future, it depends on how things go. I’m not going to think about it too much if I can help it, but it is definitely something that I want to repair and get back if possible.

Thirdly, I’m going to sort out my daily routine and become more organised. I’m currently getting up at very sporadic times in the day and this is really unhelpful for my work. I think part of it is to do with how unfit I’ve become as I’m feeling almost constantly lethargic all day. I will get past this and sort my life out.

Wow, it’s kinda sad in a way to see what I’ve become after nearly 23 years of life. I always hoped that I’d be in a much stronger position right now, but obviously I was quite stupid in believing that the magic fairies would fix things for me. It does feel good to get this all out though and I’m really looking forward to improving my willpower and taking back control of my life.

Oh and one last thing…I really do need to stop smoking at the weekends. Something which I’ve been doing for the past 2-3 months at Cricket mainly, but I also seemed to have picked up a smoking habit whilst I’m driving too. Not loads, maybe 10 a week but it’s still enough to make me feel disgusting.

A few of us went to the club to watch our U14s side in the final of the Sussex Premier Division Cup yesterday. It was a pretty good game to watch, but after speaking to a few of the parents we were left feeling a bit disappointed as it was evidently clear that no-one has much confidence in the current Manager of the team.

The thing with Colt’s cricket, is that you nearly always get a manager who is just a dad of a player. They’ve barely played cricket in their lives and they don’t really have a clue about what they’re doing, how to instruct the kids and how to improve them so that they can play at the top of their game.

According to some of the parents, training for their kids has been very sporadic every week. Apparently, neither the manager or the team captain were ever at training. This leaves the 12, 13 and 14 year old players with very little training each week and no incenctive to improve their techniques or encourage their development.

These players are going to be the future of the club, and in 3-4 years they’ll be playing Men’s cricket, some of them maybe even sooner than that. They need the appropriate levels of coaching and encouragement to help them to move onto a more senior level of cricket and be part of the club which is growing and improving at a tremendous rate.

Both myself and Binky (Michael), feel that we could do a much better job with managing the team, and we will be putting ourselves forwards at the next AGM. Personally, I feel like I should be giving something back to the club who have been supporting me and encouraging my development since I was 9 years old. I may not be Kevin Pieterson or Andrew Flintoff, but I’m loyal, hard working and I’ll never give up in a game. If we can just get a handful of this team to come through with that attitude, they’ll find themselves improving very quickly and leading us on into the future.

I haven’t posted since last weekend, as I’ve been upset and too angry to post for the last few days.

This is what happened last Saturday…
I was really looking forward to my friend, Steve’s wedding last weekend. Everything was primed for it, had all my stuff dry cleaned and I really wanted to see him getting married and having one of the best days of his life. Especially with the fact that I missed his stag do because of the head injury.

Anyway, my friend rang me last Saturday to ask me if I could cover for his football team, and he promised me that we’d be finished by lunchtime, so that I could go to the wedding and have no problems. About 80% through the game, some absolute dickhead jumps in at me two-footed. I’m not the kind of person that jumps out of a tackle, so I went for the ball as well. Unfortunately he went straight over the ball and into my right ankle, turning it over and seeming to rip it in the process. I was down on the floor in agony for a good few minutes and it was obvious that I couldn’t carry on. A friend’s dad rang my mum and she took me into Hospital. They suggested (after a good 2 hours of waiting) that it was a fracture. This is at 1pm, so I’m just willing them to chuck a cast on so that I can then go to the wedding. So I sit by the X-Ray area…for an hour, then two….then three. At this point, I’d just be happy if I could make it to the reception. They took a ridiculous amount of time and the immigrant fella who finally did the X-Ray couldn’t speak any English at all. Absolute twat!

I got home at 9pm and by that time I had just given up. There was no fracture in the leg as predicted. Just really sore and an absolute bastard to get rid of!