I’m making a big step forward in my life at the moment and with that step comes the decision to delete all of my archives from before August 2006. I’m fed up of lying to myself and to other people. It’s time to take some positive action.

Firstly, I’m going to stop pretending that I feel OK about how I look. I’ve put on over 2 stone since I’ve been working from home (a period of about 20-21 months now). This is completely my fault, but I kept assuming that if I ignored the problem it would go away. Well obviously…it won’t! I’m going to make a serious attempt to get back to my ideal weight of 13 stone. I think that means I have to lose about 30-35lbs! Ouch! Heh.

I’ve got a pretty good training schedule sorted out and I will be fixing my bike up sometime in the next fortnight, as a large part of the training will be cycling daily. I also need to grab some weights. I’d prefer not to join a gym at the moment as I’m not overly confident about the person that I am and I also can’t really afford to spend £35 per month for any of the local gyms to me. Going by my reckoning I should reach my goal weight sometime around next April. Maybe even before then! That would be perfect for me and it’s something I really want to achieve.

Being a guy in my early 20s, I need to wake the hell up and realise that these are the best years of my life. All this comfort eating bullshit and being lazy at home whilst I’m working isn’t going to help me. Once I move away from the peak of my body’s fitness, there is no going back. I’ve got to grasp this by the horns and fix it NOW! I’m 23 in 6 days time…I need to do this for myself.

Secondly, I want to fix something that I broke in January. I was an idiot and threw away the chance of something very special, because I became fixated and disillusioned by a person from my past. I’ve wasted the last 8 months of my life on them, and I should have realised at the time that it wasn’t what I truly wanted. I can’t believe that it has taken me so long to realise and admit this to myself. I also can’t believe just how much I hurt that person. I may write more about this in the future, it depends on how things go. I’m not going to think about it too much if I can help it, but it is definitely something that I want to repair and get back if possible.

Thirdly, I’m going to sort out my daily routine and become more organised. I’m currently getting up at very sporadic times in the day and this is really unhelpful for my work. I think part of it is to do with how unfit I’ve become as I’m feeling almost constantly lethargic all day. I will get past this and sort my life out.

Wow, it’s kinda sad in a way to see what I’ve become after nearly 23 years of life. I always hoped that I’d be in a much stronger position right now, but obviously I was quite stupid in believing that the magic fairies would fix things for me. It does feel good to get this all out though and I’m really looking forward to improving my willpower and taking back control of my life.

Oh and one last thing…I really do need to stop smoking at the weekends. Something which I’ve been doing for the past 2-3 months at Cricket mainly, but I also seemed to have picked up a smoking habit whilst I’m driving too. Not loads, maybe 10 a week but it’s still enough to make me feel disgusting.